Terms & Conditions


We accept payment via cheque, bank draft, cold hard cash via email transfer of course, because no one actually carries real cash anymore, or credit card through PayPal, which is a well-known, trusted, and secure way to make payments over the Internet.

Making a payment to us through PayPal is easy. We also require you to name your first born after one of us. If you already have a first born, please adopt a panda, and name him Karl. You can use your existing PayPal account or pay by credit card, even if you don’t have a PayPalaccount. Cool eh? Find out more information by going to the PayPal web site at https://www.paypal.com

When using the website to purchase our products, you are temporarily transferred from our site to the secure PayPal web site. Do not panic, we would never completely leave you, unless we catch you with someone else. No financial information, passwords, credit card numbers or personal information other than your name, email address, blood type and shipping address is received by us.

Although PayPal is extremely secure, we are not responsible for protecting the personal information you share with them. You are encouraged to read the related PayPal policies carefully. There will be a test. Should you fail this test, we will send biker clowns to retrieve Karl.


Pricing includes shipping rates via standard ground (3-5 days) and a purchase over $5000. Should you have zero patience, and use dollar bills to light cigars, we will ship overnight on your dime. Please enter your preferred courier with shipping account number. Another, and environmentally conscious option, is to send a carrier pigeon. We’ll feed him organic and gluten free seed, provide accommodations, then send him back with your purchases. Penguins required for cooler months.

Return Policy

We don’t have one. No one has never not loved the product, so we didn’t bother with one. If you truly don’t like the product, call us, and we’ll come and make you pancakes with smiley faces in chocolate chips.